THE PSYCHOLOGY OF JOB HUNTING

 

            Over the years, my clients have shared many insights with me about the psychological issues that arise during the job search. I've combined their insights and strategies to provide you with information regarding how the job search can affect your mental and emotional outlook, how it impacts your self-esteem, and strategies you can use to maintain a high level of motivation.

 

Self-esteem And Self-confidence

            Because self-esteem and self-confidence almost always drop during periods of unemployment, conscious efforts must be taken to keep self-esteem and self-confidence as high as possible. Employers look for evidence of both high self-esteem and self-confidence; if those qualities are lacking, your perceived worth drops considerably.

            The experience of having both self-esteem and self-confidence drop is vividly illustrated by the following story. Sandy left her job because of a merger. She was given several months advanced notice and received a nice bonus and severance package for helping complete several projects after the merger took place. Once she left the company she took a couple weeks off to recuperate since she had worked a lot of overtime during her last month on the job. As soon as she started her job search, however, she noticed that her self-esteem and confidence had already dropped significantly. Throughout the rest of her job search she battled that sense of a diminished self-esteem and self-confidence. The amazing thing was that her self-esteem and self-confidence dropped so quickly. She had not been fired and she had not been told she was no good. In fact, she had experienced just the opposite. Nevertheless, within one week of being off the job she lost a great deal of her customary self-confidence.

            Observing hundreds of clients has taught me that the best antidote for a drop in self-esteem and self-confidence is to frequently review your past accomplishments. Nothing I know of is more effective. Sandy frequently reviewed her accomplishments and consciously reminded herself of how competent she was and how much she had been valued by each employer. She went on to carry out a very effective job search and landed an excellent job. Her conscious effort to maintain her self-esteem was crucial to her success.

            Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence are serious issues. A lack in these two areas can cause you to avoid making phone calls to prospective employers and can cause you to not sell yourself effectively in interviews. A lack of self-esteem and self-confidence largely accounts for the poor use of time evidenced in most people's job search. What's more, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence can cause you to isolate yourself from the very people who can best aid you during your search—your friends and relatives.

            This is why I place so much emphasis on identifying and writing about your accomplishments. Whether you write about your accomplishments or use some other method, you must do everything possible to keep your self-esteem and self-confidence at near peak levels. If not, your discouraging experiences and the tactless things people say, along with your own insecurities, will very likely rob you of the self-esteem and self-confidence you still have. Foster and guard these qualities above all others.

            It is useful to look at why unemployment causes a drop in self-esteem and self-confidence. A lot of it can be explained by a reduction in positive reinforcement. Even in a lousy job, you are receiving certain reinforcers every day. People are greeting you, they are asking for your judgment, they are expecting certain results from you, and not least of all, you are receiving a paycheck. All of that stops when you lose your job.

            At home the phone rarely rings, and when it does, it is certainly not someone asking your opinion on some high-powered project you've been working on. In a sense, no one really cares if you even get up in the morning. Of course your family is depending on you financially, but beyond that there is no one else. No one needs you. It's amazing that even a terrible job actually can provide some positive reinforcers. Once you're off the job, they're gone.

 

Maintain Open Lines Of Communication With People

            The lack of interaction with other people also contributes to a drop in self-esteem and self-confidence. This need for challenging interaction is one reason it is so important to speak to and meet colleagues and hiring authorities on a daily basis while you are job hunting. Speaking to them keeps you sharp and it keeps you up. One reason why the Systematic Job Search Strategy is so effective is that it is designed to make you speak to such people.

            Most job seekers have very little contact with people during their job search except with family. But as job seekers become more withdrawn, they do less and less, even with family. Many job hunters quickly become isolated and withdrawn.

            Job seekers frequently go three weeks or more between formal job interviews. During that time they have been ignored and rejected: ignored because phone calls are seldom returned and employers frequently do not even acknowledge the receipt of a resume; rejected because numerous reject letters have come through the mail. Because there is so little genuine interaction with people, the job search becomes a very lonely venture. When loneliness arrives, self-pity is usually right behind. Self-pity can become extremely destructive.

            For many, this drop in self-esteem and self-confidence, along with a feeling of not being needed and feeling lonely, leads to isolation. People get tired of explaining that they don't have a job, and they get tired of explaining why. The solution would seem to be to avoid people and hope that something good happens soon. But, as statistics have shown, it is through their contacts with people that most people find jobs.  Remember, 26% of all people have their current job because of a lead provided by a family member, friend, or associate. So you can't allow yourself to become isolated. You have to fight it. If you do isolate yourself, the people who can help you, and should help you, will not be allowed to. If you don't maintain contact with these people, they won't be able to be sources of information and referrals for you.

 

Cut Expenses But Lead A Normal Life

            During unemployment people become extremely concerned about finances. In fact, worry over finances often causes people to become desperate. When they become desperate, there is an aura of desperation that is present in interviews. There is a maxim, that is nearly a law: Desperate people do not get job offers. When you feel desperate, you look and seem desperate. If you seem desperate, employers may feel sorry for you, but they won't offer you a job. So, do everything you can to marshal your resources and save whatever money you can. If you take only two months to find a job, the money that you had intended to spend on a new clothes dryer or stereo system will still be there. Waiting to spend it will not have hurt you. But if your search takes longer, that extra cushion may be the very thing that prevents you from feeling desperate.

            While you should do everything you can to cut expenses, you should also keep your life as normal as possible. If going out for dinner or to a play is a real enjoyment to you, continue doing those things. You spend too much time at home as it is; you need enjoyable activities that get you out of the home. If you are married, these excursions will be an important part of keeping communications open.

 

Use Your Spouse As A Sounding Board

            Spouses are very important during a job search. Have your spouse read Being There and A Word To Spouses. This will help your spouse understand the emotions you are feeling and do everything he or she can to give you moral support during this difficult time.

            It can be a good strategy to be accountable to your spouse. Ask your spouse to question you each day as to what you did and accomplished. Have your spouse take you out to dinner or do something special when a landmark in the job search is achieved.

            Ask your spouse to listen a great deal and give advice only when asked. When you're feeling down about your job hunting progress, the main thing you need is someone who will just listen to you.

 

Spend Time On Enjoyable Activities

            Everyone needs to spend time on activities which are enjoyable and relaxing. This is especially important to the person who is unemployed. If you spend a solid 30 hours each week on your job search, you will still have more time to do enjoyable activities than you did when you were working full-time. If you enjoy reading, playing golf, or fishing, reserve room in your life for these things. And do not feel guilty when you do them.

            If there are some projects around the house that haven't gotten done because you've been too busy to do them, this may be the time to tackle them. But avoid the trap that many get caught in. They begin working on the house and start thinking about all the money they're saving since they are doing the work themselves. Very quickly the job search is set aside as the home projects become an easy excuse to not do any job hunting. Really this is just one of the many subtle, self-defeating tricks you can play on yourself. Do not fall for it. Besides, if you spend ten hours a week on that project, rather than 30, it will still get done. Avoid turning those projects into your full-time job—don't let them sabotage your job search.

 

Believing That No One Understands You

            As you go through the process of looking for a job, you may be tempted to think that no one really understands you or what you're going through. Do not fall for that lie. There are many people who do understand what you're going through. They understand because they've been in the same position. Make use of such people. Open up to them. Get them to listen to you and be supportive of you.

            If you feel your spouse does not understand what you are going through, have your spouse read Being There and Understanding Your Spouse. Your spouse probably wants to help, but may not know how.

            Ignore people who don't understand you. They're the tactless ones who come up with gems like, "Well, why don't you just go out and get a job?" These people don't understand you and they are probably incapable of understanding or even wanting to understand what you are experiencing. Unfortunately, it sometimes seems that there are too many of these tactless, uncaring people around. Ignore these people and don't make their problem your problem.  Instead, make a conscious effort to spend more of your time with people who are more supportive of you and your efforts.

 

 

 

The Toughest Job In The World

            I believe that looking for a job is one of the hardest things human beings do in their lives. Looking for a job when you're unemployed is about ten times tougher psychologically than looking when you are employed. Every fear and anxiety that you are generally able to control, rises to the surface. Expect these anxieties and don't feel as if something is wrong with you. Every unemployed job seeker experiences these same anxieties.

 

Prepare For The Long Haul

            As you start your job search, it is best to prepare for a long haul. Do not assume you are going to be one of the lucky ones who finds a great job in less than five weeks. Even if you started interviewing today with your ultimate employer, it could easily take four weeks before you get an offer, and another two weeks before you actually start the job.

            If you conduct an effective job search, you probably will find a job quickly, but there are factors beyond your control that will affect the time it takes to get your job. So, prepare yourself psychologically for a long haul, but do everything possible to land a job quickly. Commit yourself to devoting 30 solid hours each week to your job search.